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That Should Count for Something

by Apology Fest

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1.
Show me a drawing or a rough approximation Make me a sketch, because I prefer the imitation Splenda in my coffee gives my tongue that sweet sensation Aspartame and saccharine without a hesitation You say idolatry, I say in moderation For my overworking conscience it’s a well-deserved vacation I hear the original is not to be forsaken I’ll settle for the one that lends itself to duplication Turn off the lights, cause this taste test is blind If you don’t look then I’m sure you won’t mind The glass on the left may be poisoned, it’s true But just admit it tastes better to you Knock-off, fraud, and forgery, the common accusations I take it all in stride because I prefer the imitation Come get the benefit without the complication Indulge yourself with fakes, give in to all of your temptations
2.
“Such integrity,” they all say “And character to emulate His conscientiousness such an inspiration” So why would anyone suspect? He just can’t bring himself to risk Unbearable consequences Always been a pragmatist in his heart Honing amorality into an art His sacrificial acts hide self preservation He says, “Come with me to the comfort zone Jump right in, the water’s lukewarm We’ll maximize our pleasure While we minimize our pain.” He tells you feeling guilty is an inefficient use of time While his risk-averse behavior keeps him walking the straight line The squalor of his private thoughts would earn him excommunication But how could anyone have guessed? He just can’t bring himself to risk Unbearable consequences
3.
I don’t know if I can wait that long I don’t know if I can wait that long Unified, our family lies in expectation Unified, our family lies in expectation Eager to pour through the ducts Eager to pour through the ducts In mournful celebration When the moment is right Biding time, I might be dry before the day arrives Biding time, I might be dry before the day arrives But I have no choice in the matter I have no choice in the matter Can’t make someone sense something Or realize that they’re already sensing it It’s agony to see the rage and the addiction That masks the quiet sorrow, that’s aching to be freed I am the wordless statement Of this subdued sensation Ignored and unspoken I am the wordless statement Of this subdued sensation Ignored and unspoken I am the wordless statement Of this subdued sensation Ignored and unspoken I am the wordless statement Of this subdued sensation Ignored and unspoken Till the moment is right
4.
Idle Hands 03:08
Feeling pretty good, and it’s disturbing I’ll keep knocking on wood And hope the devils haven’t heard me Sitting around and waiting for the opportunity To present itself is nothing new to me Idle hands with twiddling thumbs Papers piling toward the ceiling Staring down and playing dumb Is more and more appealing Oh, is it getting dark? I hadn't noticed With contrast not so stark how do I focus? Keep the curtains drawn, don’t tell me when it’s dusk or dawn. Clocks are taunting menaces, since the fall in Genesis Feeling pretty good, and it’s disturbing I’ll keep knocking on wood And hope the devils haven’t heard me Sitting around and waiting for the opportunity To present itself is nothing new to me Idle hands with twiddling thumbs Papers piling toward the ceiling Staring down and playing dumb Is more and more appealing
5.
I've lost sensation in my toes I always thought that I could count on those Now I can barely get a wiggle I've lost sensation in my toes I've lost sensation in my feet Can’t get up to try to eat I roll out of the bed and crawl across the floor I've lost sensation in my feet I've lost sensation in my legs Now I find that I have got the shakes I took for granted my mobility I've lost sensation in my legs I've lost sensation in my heart Please go get the paddles, make it start The doctor calls out “Clear” and sends the charge through me I've lost sensation in my heart
6.
Mean Bone 06:02
Not a mean bone in that body If possible, please, prove it with an X-ray Never meant harm to anybody In theory, at least, that should count for something Inspect these injuries. Tell me, were these inflicted by a mean bone? A bone’s a bone when it’s an elbow to the face A bone’s a bone when it knocks you out of place A bone’s a bone in a soul-crushing embrace A bone’s a bone when you thought that you were safe Refresh my memory. Just where in one’s anatomy is the mean bone? The blood’s been spilled. Tell me who will clean that floor? Rehashing motives doesn’t serve us anymore A threat’s a threat, even spoken out of fear A vow’s a vow, growing weaker every year A fist’s a fist when it lands the final blow A death’s a death, though you claim you didn’t know

credits

released June 13, 2014

Engineered and drummed by Kevin Winrich
Otherwise produced and performed by Ben VanderBeek
Mastered by Andrew Garver

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Apology Fest Long Beach, California

Apology Fest is the solo project of multi-instrumentalist Ben VanderBeek.

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